falling

Hope is almost beyond my grasp these days. The death of a beloved mentor has hit me unexpectedly hard. Grief seems to find me in every crack and crevice. Just today more news: my pastor's father died moments before she could make it to his bedside.

There are rivers of tears falling down on us all.

Yet, when I was reading the book of Common Prayer the other day, it said that the liturgy for the dead is an Easter liturgy.
This thought has kept me thinking all week. The liturgy for the dead is a celebration! How can we be expected to celebrate in moments of our deepest grief?

I am not sure how- but I believe that it everything to do with resurrection. The liturgy for the dead is characterized by joy in the certainty that because Jesus was raised from the dead, we, too, shall be raised.
New life comes from death-
always.

hope

Exodus 14:14

The Lord will fight for you while you keep still.

the glory of god

"the glory of god is man fully alive"
~St Irenaeus

thought for the day: what does it mean to be fully alive?

Poem for last week

I can taste anise thick
in the summer air. Hot licorice hangs like a wool curtain
on the back of my throat and coats my pink insides
brunneous like warm molasses traveling down, down-
deeper into dark pools of being.

perhaps there is lightning waiting
around the corner, around the block-
sleeping in the car with the windows rolled up.

Home Sweet Home

Home sweet home. Finally. This is where I will be living with 6 other girls begining September 1. The house hunt has been a long one- especially because not many people want to rent out a place to 7 college students. But this place opened up miraculously. There are pros & cons about the property, but all in all I believe that it will be a good space to live. Of course, it is summer time now and the grass is no longer green, and the tree on the right has since been cut down. I'm trying not to over-romanticize the responsibility of having a large house to upkeep and clean, but at the moment am basking in thankfulness and excitement about a roof over my head and a community of friends to live with.

Friday head-bob and cookies

Today I got the head-bob from an incredibly fit blond bicyclist in spandex. We were both changing in the women's restroom out of our bike clothes into office-wear. I smiled back at her sheepishly in disbelief; it was like I was in middle school again and had just been invited to the cool kid's table. Me? Really? I am part of the biking club now?
See, the last few days I have more or less felt like a hippo on a rock, trying to roll myself to work.
I am not in shape and what makes it worse is that I am not consistent either. As you might have guessed from my earlier blogging, a lot of my time has been consumed with taking care of my car these days. It is my new tempermental teenager, so to speak, so I have been driving it to work so that I can dart off directly when the 4:30 bell rings to drive to some government office in King County (pick one, any one) and do more paperwork. Seriously, I think it was easier to apply for college, than register my vehicle in the state of Washington.
Anyway, I basically had to force myself back on the bike today. I am one of those people who probably look like they are dying as they are riding; face clenched, sweat beading around my hairline, and breathing hard like I am practicing my lamaze. It's beautiful I am sure.
(If you are interested in some real beautiful bikes- check out my brother's website. He is a bike builder in Portland, OR and does fantastic work: http://www.mapbicycles.com )
Regardless, I am at work now. I made it and am currently (and painfully!) aware that I will have nothing to do for aproximately 7 more hours and that the oatmeal chocolate chip cookies I made last night for a co-worker's birthday are sitting in the kitchen like little loosers at lunch break. The birthday boy is out of the lab today- it is his birthday right? Silly me. So I made a card to sit next to my toasty little lumps of buttery love that says "Eat me! Happy Friday!" It will be an experiment...let's see what happens.